We’ve all been there: your child is melting down in the middle of the grocery store, or your preschooler is sobbing because their banana broke in half. The big feelings come fast, fierce, and often at the most inconvenient times.

And let’s be real, our own patience doesn’t always show up when we need it most. But here’s the thing: those moments of big feelings aren’t just obstacles. They’re opportunities. Opportunities to help our kids build emotional regulation skills that will serve them for life, and opportunities for us to model what calm, connected parenting looks like (even if it doesn’t feel calm inside).

In this post, we’ll dive into how to help kids handle big feelings without losing your cool using strategies rooted in social-emotional learning (SEL), child psychology, and practical, everyday parenting.

Why Kids Struggle With Big Feelings

Children aren’t born knowing how to regulate emotions, they have to learn. And for kids ages 3–9 especially, their brains are still developing the “self-control” part (that’s the prefrontal cortex, for the science lovers here).

That means:

• Big feelings feel overwhelming because they don’t have the tools to calm themselves yet.
• Behavior is communication—tantrums, tears, or defiance often mask needs like hunger, tiredness, or feeling misunderstood.
• They borrow regulation from us. Our calm helps wire their calm.

Why We Lose Our Cool Too

It’s not just kids. Parents get flooded, too. When we’re juggling work, meals, endless to-dos, and a child who’s wailing over broccoli, our stress response kicks in.

The trick isn’t to never lose your patience (that’s impossible). The trick is to notice our own “big feelings,” regulate ourselves, and respond in a way that teaches kids how to do the same.

5 SEL Strategies to Help Kids With Big Feelings

1. Name It to Tame It

Kids often don’t know the words for what they’re feeling. When you help them label emotions (“You’re frustrated that your tower fell”), it makes the feeling less scary and gives them language for future moments.

✨ Try this: Keep an “emotions chart” on the fridge—kids can point to a face that matches how they feel.

2. Co-Regulation Comes First

Before you can teach self-regulation, kids need co-regulation. That means being present, calm, and supportive until their brain is back “online.”

✨ Try this: Sit near them, offer a hug if they want it, and say, “I’m here. You’re safe. We’ll figure this out together.”

3. Model Calm Out Loud

Kids watch us more than they listen to us. If we lose our cool, they learn that too. Instead, model regulation by narrating your own strategies.

✨ Try this: “I’m feeling frustrated too. I’m going to take three big breaths so I can think clearly.”

4. Give Big Feelings a Healthy Outlet

Emotions are energy—they need somewhere to go. Coloring, play, and storytelling are powerful ways for kids to process.

✨ Try this: Our Maddy & Apollo story-style coloring books are designed with exactly this in mind, helping kids explore themes like kindness, teamwork, and trying new foods through creativity and play.

5. Practice When Calm

The middle of a meltdown isn’t the best time for new lessons. But once calm has returned, revisit the moment gently.

✨ Try this: At bedtime, reflect together: “Remember when you felt sad earlier? What helped you feel better? What can we try next time?”

For Parents: Staying Grounded Yourself

Helping kids regulate emotions is so much easier when you’re regulated too. A few quick resets:

• Breathe first, respond second. Even three slow breaths can shift your nervous system.
• Lower your voice. Whispering actually makes kids listen more closely.
• Zoom out. Ask yourself, “Will this matter in five years?”

Remember—you’re not just teaching your child how to manage big feelings, you’re teaching yourself too.

Why This Matters Long-Term

When kids learn emotional regulation skills early, they:

• Do better in school (academics are easier when emotions aren’t overwhelming).
• Build stronger friendships (empathy, sharing, teamwork).
• Grow resilience (they learn feelings come and go).

And when parents approach big feelings with calm, kids learn that emotions—even the messy ones—are safe to feel. That’s a gift that lasts a lifetime.

Final Thoughts

Big feelings aren’t the enemy. They’re the training ground for lifelong skills in empathy, resilience, and self-awareness. And while none of us handle every meltdown perfectly (hello, we’re human), every small step we take toward calm connection matters.

At Maddy & Apollo, we believe that wellness + kindness come alive through play. Our story-based coloring books are just one way to help kids practice big-hearted values in a fun, screen-free way. You can find them here.